Hi friends,
When is it that I became an adult? It’s surely not when I turned 18. I didn’t have the slightest clue on how to take good care of myself at that age; in fact, I modelled behaviours for fictional heroes. Even though I didn’t come out yet, I still resided in “queer time”, which is the idea that queer lives do not progress in the same way as non-queer lives, because they systematically are subjected to higher barriers for experiences that traditionally define adulthood.
I had a belief that being an adult was learning how to downplay parts of myself, that was how you can be palpable and fit into society. I have not been good at that, so I kept acting out and feeling shame at my immaturity. I didn't realize that it was the opposite. To properly become an adult, you must fully come into yourself. Any time you deny this truth, you will get stuck in time. Of course, your body and cells still keep aging, so one might observe that there is such a huge disconnect between the mind and the bodies of those who are stuck in time.
When part of you is so different from the stories modelled for you, then you must intentionally create spaces where you can nurture those parts of yourself, so they too, can continue to grow. But how? 😩 Help, I'm someone that needs things to be explained very clearly!! The young me, constantly feeling rejected, anxious and worn out, tried to take a peek into future me’s brain, “Hey, I bet you could solve this!”
steps to adulthood
Keep a record of your progress
I got my first daily diary in 2017. I bought my first hobonichi techo, which is the canvas of all my journalizing (I am inventing new words here, combining journaling + self realization 🤓). Every day, I could see myself and my challenges poured out on paper. When you keep note of your life like this, it becomes easier to identify the patterns that may be holding you back. When I look back into past entries, there are a lot of times I shout out "oh! I know what should be done about this now!" Hindsight is 20/20, but the clarity comes from becoming wiser.
Spend time getting organized
My diary is also a handy assistant that excels at keeping dates in check. It has a design that opened up different ways to format the contents of my brain. Adulthood comes with a lot of dates, phone numbers, and follow-ups. There are a lot of good organization apps out there, but I still like paper, pens, and cute covers the most.
Good routines develop emotional maturity
I’ve been reading this book, and it has given me a lot of insight into why the routines I’ve cultivated have been so crucial for growth. Routines are small promises you keep to yourself each day, support helpful habits and are part of loving discipline, that invite a lot of goodness into your life. I've always admired people with good habits, but I thought, I couldn't be like that. Turns out it's possible to provide myself with what I need if I consistently show up for myself, and become independent and free.
❤️chu