Give me better words for practicing empathy
Hi friends,
Recently, I was struggling to communicate with my partner; I just didn’t know how to put what I was feeling into words. This is something that often happens, but since I'm hardly someone that likes to express how they really feel in the moment, I usually leave it for the other person to decipher. But this time, I desperately wanted to connect, and being such a passive participant felt so painful, I ended up crying a lot. Those physical reactions are a universal language, but not as precise as I would wish.
I’ve been reading material related to emotional research to try to explore a better framework for navigating these feelings. It is said that researchers don’t like to work on emotions like anguish, yet these are what artists and poets obsess over. For me, it has always been true that it's easier, even addictive, to put them in drawings, paintings, poetry, or a zine. But it's almost like a "less vulnerable way to be vulnerable" if that makes sense. A way to cope, rather than forging the way forward.
Words are human's portals to each other's worlds. I have a lot of words. I have a million and one things to say. I was quite keen to analyze, decipher, and judge. I liked the words that let me sit far away, play charades and observe emotions like scenes from a play. Reducing me to often misunderstand how I was feeling. Research suggests that isn't just limited to me, most people can only identify 3 emotions as it's happening: happiness, sadness, and rage. Just the primaries of the colour spectrum of human experience.
I just want you to have compassion or empathy for me. I wanted to say to you. I wanted you to save me. But...
“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
- Pema Chödrön
🤍chu